My lil space

She saw his silhouette through the translucent curtain draped over the French windows in her living room. She could see him hop on to a skateboard and before she could wink he lost his balance and fell down. She gasped quickly and extended her hand forgetting that she was across the road. He got up looked around sheepishly and after ensuring that no one caught him falling down hopped on again with the childish confidence that is common at his age. The sun was setting and the street lights dimly cast their lights. She craned her neck to catch him trying to turn at the end of the street. He swerved around gracefully and started speeding towards the gate of his house, not quite a home for him.  A big smile stuck on his face as he passed her house as though reassuring her that everything went well today. Once she saw him close the doors of his house and her world with him, she went back into the kitchen. It had been almost a year now - a year without those blue eyes staring back at her, a year since there was laughter in her house, a year without having had a purpose to live for. Her eyes filled up at the very thought of him. She had nurtured him with so much love and care that her parents thought she was incapable of when she had told them she was pregnant but wasn't going to get married. She did her best to give him the best. She worked on two jobs to pamper him and keep him comfortable. She forgot how to be selfish. And she thought life was just perfect for the two of them. She thought of the day she had promised to try out cross country biking with him.

Life couldn't have been worse for him. He knew that she wasn't happy with him but he didn't once think that she would leave a note and bid him goodbye. She wanted nothing from him and nothing to remind her of him, not even their son. He was brooding in the good old Baileys pub.  What was he going to tell him? One shot. How was he supposed to raise a young boy on his own? Another shot. How could she do this to him? The third one. And one more for every question that raced to his head till he was blissfully unaware of the why he was in the bar in the first place. Swaying himself, he reached his car and sat down in front of the wheel, squinting his eyes in the broad daylight. His thoughts went back to her and he floored on the gas pedal and let the wind breeze away his memories. He drove on the freeways he hadn't bothered coming to before - it was here that there were no annoying cops.  He took the steep curves up the hill at dangerous speeds, the toys in the rear trunk being tossed around from end to end.  He needed his music - his Iron Maiden and as he groped in his iPod for the song, he felt a sudden jerk.  He found the song and pressed the play and soon the music drowned the screams behind him.  He rode on - the music sobering him and slumped into his couch upon reaching home.  

    

She was in a state of shock.  Her mind felt numb and then the motherly instinct hit her.  She screamed for help up in the mountains where there was no soul.  Her hands trembling she reached out for her cell phone to see she was out of tange.  Taking her little baby in her hands, she ran and ran to the nearest callbox.  She kept telling him, "Stay with me, please" but could feel his pulse go down.  As she dialled 911, the big blue eyes closed and forever.  She didn't know what happened next - the paramedics, cops, questions they asked her - she remembered nothing and she felt nothing but pain.  Days passed and then weeks, she spoke to no one and she thought of none but one.  Everybody was supportive, her parents came and lived with her for a few months, people tried not to talk about their kids at work, but she didn't notice.

He woke up and felt wasted.  There was his son watching TV and he had no idea which day it was.  He looked up and saw their wedding photo and started feeling the intense hatred.  He reached out for his bottle of beer and drank it up.  Now he felt better.  Ever since she left, it had become a habit, all he did was drink.  When he first failed to show up at work, they thought he was getting over it and let it pass.  And when he started showing up at work drunk, they pitied him and asked him to talk it out.  And when he refused to talk and got into drunken brawls, they finally let him go.  He didn't care not even for his little son.  He hated that kid - the kid that carried his mother's genes, the kid that had those blue eyes like his mom.  The sight of him reminded him of her and drinking was the only was to forget.  He looked around at the house where he started his family - the house where he promised he will be a good husband and a loving father.  He took the "For sale" board and put it out.  He needed the money to drink - he had already exhausted his savings, sold his car and there was nothing more to sell than this house.  It could keep him covered for at least a couple of years.

She heard the moving truck coming to a stop and came out to the patio to see her new neighbors.  She gasped and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the two little feet jump out.  She never imagined she would see someone who would closely resemble her baby.  She ran into the kitchen and started baking some cookies and took it out to her new neighbors.  She knocked on the door and an unkempt man opened the door.  She could imagine a handsome face behind all the unshaven beard and was horrified to see the house inside.  She looked at him in the eye and offered him the cookies, welcoming them to the neighborhood.  The blue eyes, clutching his father's pants peeped out and her heart melted.  The man at the door said something rude about nosy neighbors and that he loved his privacy.  She ignored him and smiled at the blue eyes with so much warmth that the kid felt his mom was with him for a moment.  The moment snapped away when he pulled his son away and closed the door shut.  He warned the kid to talk to nobody and the boy whimpered into his bed with fear and tears wrapping his eyes.

He looked out of the window and saw her going back home with a basket of cookies.  He smiled for the first time since that day.  She was the first sign of what he had become over the months.  He sighed and took to his bottle again.  He woke up at midday - the little boy had gone to school and he went out of his new house.  He looked at the empty lane and went back inside to wash himself.  He looked at himself in the mirror and hated everything around him.  He shaved, washed and wore new clothes trying to look like his old self and then he felt it - a sudden urge blocking his mind completely.  He forgot everything that happened till a moment ago and opened the bottle of vodka.  It was not until the first drop touched his lips that his hands  stopped trembling.  As the vodka burned down his throat he felt better.  He sat down on his patio thinking into space and fell into a nice slumber.  He woke up just when she drove back home.  She looked back at his house, smiled pleasantly at him but her eyes searching for someone else.  He frowned thinking about the boy and she turned away before he could put a smile back on his face.  

Her heart reached out for the little boy.  She could think how difficult life must be for him with an alcoholic father and no mother.  She tried to be nice to the father but he was rude and always frowned.  She wanted to tell the little boy everything about her, her son, dreams, friend - she wanted to welcome him into her home.  Suddenly the winds seemed to have changed directions - she felt she had a purpose in her life and she decided she would be there for the little boy always.  She was not going to lose this one - not to a drunkard again.  

He saw her walk towards his gates.  He tried to hide the bottle behind his chair and she smiled at him.  She leaned across the fence and asked him if he needed anything for the house from the grocery store.  He wanted to ask her if he could come along but heard himself grumping that they had everything.  She smiled and left.  He felt angry at himself and reached out for his bottle again.  Days passed and there were very few times of the day when he was sober.  On one such occasion, he suddenly saw her rush back home from work.  She was crying, tears rushing down her face.  He crossed the street and asked her if everything was ok.  Between her tears she mumbled the she her mom had a heart attack and collapsed on her front porch.  He told her he was sorry and got her some water.  He promised to drive her to her parent's place and went back home to leave a note for the kid.  Not that he cared but she had asked him to.  As he opened the doors to his house, the sweet smell of alcohol reached him.  One shot should keep him good for an hour or so he thought and fixed himself a quick drink.  He might actually be gone for at least three hours and decided to drink another two.  Feeling much better, he swaggered back to her house.  

She was infuriated at his impudence to offer her ride to her parent's place when he breathed and smelt of alcohol.  Knowing that if she showed her anger, the only victim on whom he could vent his frustrations was his son, she firmly but sweetly refused his help.  He was confused and wondered why she was so capricious.  He insisted that he at least came along and she decided that the kid might be better off without him.  On their way, he told her everything - how he had loved his wife, how she left him and what happened after that.  She felt sorry for him and urged him to consider counseling and rehab.  For the first time, he honestly said that he would do that.  She agreed to take care of his son and support him during his rehab.  He asked her why she liked his son so much and she told him about the fateful day, the day that tore her life apart.  As she related the incident, he felt cold and gripped on to his seat.  It was the same day he was driving up the mountain when his wife left him.  When she told him it was a big maroon truck, his mind started racing and he felt his sweat beads on his brow.  They reached her parent's home and she ran to the door.  He locked the car and felt a black cloud clutching him from inside.  He started walking toward the door and felt his legs go weak and suddenly he collapsed on the walkway.  She turned back just in time to see him fall and ran to him.  He was coughing out blood and she felt helpless again.  She told him it will be ok as her dad called the paramedics.  He held her hand and told his last words "Take care of the little boy. I am sorry, really sorr..."